Friday, February 04, 2005

Bring on the Beach...and not that punk in NYC

We left koh san behind with tears welling up in our eyes, and hire the first taxi we saw for the airport. We flew out of Bangkok to koh samui, which is an island on the east coast of Thailand. Now, a few words on Bangkok airways. I was expecting what many of you might suspect, a flying cattle cart with chicken in the aisle, but I was wrong. Not only did Bangkok airways plate and clear the best airline food i have enjoyed thus far in 45 mins flat, they also have all you can eat pastries before and after the flight. The airport in koh samui was ridiculous. The pick up the passengers in an over sized golf carts, and bring them to the baggage claim, which is a wooden platform with a conveyor belt run by hampsters (it may be monkeys). On the flight, I met a brit who lived in Boston, named Felix. Felix joined Christine and myself in the effort of finding a place to stay. After getting ripped off by the cab (no other choice at 9 pm), we headed to the chaweng garden bungalows. They had one left, so we took it. It ended up 20 yards to the beach, and had ac, hot water, and a mini bar. Needless to say, we got lucky. To celebrate, we decided to do what any reasonable person would do...We got shitfaced and headed to the closest drag queen show, after all the thais are rumored to be the best. I will not go into the days when Thai transvestite used to party all night at my apartment...thats another story (isn't Mr Ellis). The show included small Thai boys in hot pants, more beautiful transvestitism than a call girl service, and of course one big fat Thai drag QUEEN. And when I say Queen , I don't mean the waiter I had last night queen, I mean the bitch owned the place (literally). The pictures will tell more, but moving on. We than went to the dance complexes in the heart of chaweng. The dance plex was blasting hip hop, techno, and local all at the same time, as well as broadcasting the pats-indie game on the giant movie sized screen. The music was overpowering and after inspecting the newest of the euro dance moves, I decided to unleash some old school classics of my own. Christine and I decided that it was time to show these rythymless donkeys what was up. Felix, taking great pleasure in our skillful display of grace and poise, decided to continue getting us drinks until we were close to blacking out. The night continued on for many more hours, but since this site is monitored by more people than just my close friends ( who are well aware of my antics) we'll end here.
The next day, Felix was off early, and Christine and I walked the beach end to end (some 10 km) and lazily soaked in the Thai sun. The ocean in Thailand is the temp of bathwater, and color is a mix of turquoise and every other shade of paradise there is. This was the first part of the trip, that it began to sink in that we were in paradise the other side of the world. We read our books and bronzed, or in my case burned, our bodies all day. The only breaks we took were to eat at the endless beach bars and cafes. I don't know if I have touched on the service in Thailand, but at the risk of sounding redundant, I'll reiterate. When one sits, the server swarms you and assumes you know what you want immediately. If you ask for a minute, you may never see them again (I think it translates into calling their mother a whore). When you order, it doesn't matter that you ordered together, or if you ordered appetizer. You will receive the food in any order, at any increment they feel like doing. Christine had finished her food, before I received mine. Shortly after we received the appetizer we assumed they had forgotten. Then when your ready for something else, or (gasp) the check, you must allow at least half an hour then go find them. In this case, even though there were only one other table and six severs, I had to go around the side of the building to plead for a check. Once delivered, The sever will watch you count your money, and stand there until you pay them. This is the service everywhere, with one or two exceptions. We enjoyed our meal and strolled the beach as couples do. We entered into the poshest of bars on the beach for a quick beer before going home, and after ordering realized we were short on funds and 2 km away from our beach bungalow. Luckily, I had been chatting the couple next to us up (sassy brits) and they paid for the rest. The brits, two newlyweds, then proceeded to recount all of their adventures with drugs and travel at our age. At some points even surprising their new spouse with old stories of ex-lovers. Christine and I excused ourselves and agreed to meet them later (hopefully to freeload some more). We were late (I had to curl my hair and put on my face) and missed them, but had drinks in their honor instead. At dinner we ran into the group of aussie lesbians who sat behind us. One of them had performed on stage with the rest of the men for the grand finale, and here she was again taking over the microphone from the Asian coverband. Christine had to restrain me from trying to out karroke her onstage, but again the night was hers. Sad and defeated we went home.
The sun was rising, the gekkos were singing, and I decided today would be a good day risk my life. Christine and I decided to rent a motorcycle and see the island the old fashion way, on a rusty piece of shit death machine. My mother made me promise her at a young age not to ever buy a motorcycle, but I was only going to rent one. After paying about 3 dollars for the day, I got the first sensation of straddling my hog, my steel chariot, my Honda dream. After a few failed attempts of starting it and almost crashing in the first 10 seconds, we were off. A little shaky at first granted, but in no time I was a natural. I even brought along my aviator sunglasses ala tom cruise in top gun.(que Take my breath away) With the wind running through my Mohawk and my lady's arms wrapped around me (more of a python grip screaming in my ear) we were off. The scenic vistas of koh sumia were spectacular. We were on top of lush jungle covered mountains starring into endless crystal blue lagoons, but we had to get up the mountains first. Our motorbike, Dream Machine, (yes, it had a pink decal on the side of it) had some trouble getting up the inclines, or even over speed bumps. More than a few times, Christine would be asked to kindly jump ship in order not to crash, and I would have to kick my legs like fred flinstone to get up some of the "roads". That was the other thing, some of the "roads" were more like hiking trails up mountains (more later). Undetered by our setbacks, no mountain was too high (except the real steep ones), and no path unexplored (except the real scary ones). We stumbled upon one particular lagoon that was pure bliss. Christine and I spotted some people well off the shore seemily walking on water. After making sure we were hydrated and sober, and no bushes were burning, we proceeded out into the water. We walked for 200 meters and were still only ankle deep. It was perfect, tropical outcove of waist deep to ankle deep water with no one around. I decided I would go euro and went topless while frolicking in the water. The sun was growing lower in the sky, so we left our private oasis and headed towards home. We watched the sun set atop of a cliff on the north side of the island, and I almost killed us trying to get up the mountain, but we're ok except for the large abrasion on my big toe. We stopped for dinner, and I finally found a curry that made me want to cry. Not because it was good, but it was one of the hottest flavors I have ever eaten. My mouth tingled and burned for hours. I have written too much but there is some more I may include later. The next day we were leaving for koh toa, a smaller island some 3 hrs away by boat. Koh Sumia was beautiful with its long streches of white sand beaches and jungle water falls, but it also had crazy nightlife with thumping techno megaplexs, and a beach bar within 10 ft of every inch of sand. Someone compared it to a beautiful girl with too much makeup, and I can see there point koh sumai is a bit overdone, but who cares if you not in it for the longterm relationship...just kidding Mr. Campbell (christine's dad).


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